Over the last two weeks I've been faithfully going to physiotherapy, doing my exercises and stretches at home, and trying to follow my physiotherapist's recommendations. We've not seen any substantial progress - my foot is still numb, I still get occasional pain, and my muscle control in the foot comes and goes - but we've also not seen any substantial decline or regression. My condition was such that surgery didn't seem to offer much benefit even if my current condition was going to be as good as I could get with conservative treatment.

The general recommendation from my physiotherapist is, "Take it easy. If something hurts, don't do it." With that guiding principle, I've been trying to take it easy without burdening Krista too much. Yesterday as I lifted our stroller into the backseat of my parent's car I was happy that nothing hurt - which I figured should mean that I was doing okay. By yesterday evening I could tell what I had foolishly done in lifting the stroller was, after all, not okay. The primary instruction is, "Take it easy." The secondary instruction is "If something hurts, don't do it." which properly refers to those activities within "taking it easy." If sitting hurts, don't do it. If standing too long hurts, don't do it. Last night my back started to spasm and seize a little.

Today the repercussions of my mistake are fully manifest. At one point today as I lay on my bed, I broke into a sweat, almost threw up, and nearly passed out from the pain encompassing my back and my entire left leg. The pain was overwhelming for about ten minutes before it started to abate. This was far worse than any pain I have had from this condition thus far. In Kenya when my pain was at its worst, I could still lie down and I would get relief within a few minutes. Today no position provided any relief whatsoever. When the pain started to recede to the point where I could make a phone call I called my physiotherapist and doctor. It's amazing where your mind takes you in the midst of that kind of pain. I thought to myself, "I want the surgery, NOW. How in the world am I going to get to the hospital like this?" "Is all the pain God took away from me over the last few weeks being returned now?"

With a couple of the pain pills that I hadn't taken on the flight home, ice, and a lot of help from Krista, I got to my physiotherapy appointment this afternoon. I was already feeling better although my movements were over-cautious for fear of triggering the intense pain again. My physiotherapist explained that there are two possibilities for what had happened to me, both of which are entirely my fault for doing something stupid and not taking it easy as instructed. The first possibility is that my back got stretched and irritated from the lifting to which it is now not accustomed and the muscles started to spasm resulting in the spine compressing and the disc bulge pushing on the nerves instead of being able to be opened up and relaxed. This over-reaction could be the cause of it all. If this is the case, there is no long-term damage - it's a bump in the road. Within a few days I'll be back on track in my recovery. The other possibility is that my foolishness resulted in my disc bulging again through the scarring that has been forming and that the disc bulge is now bigger and putting more pressure on the nerves than before. If that is the case, we'll know it in 36 to 48 hours. The solution for that scenario is to that I keep going to physiotherapy to manage the pain while we wait for the insurance to approve the surgery. In the meantime, I'm not to do any of my exercises or regular stretches, I'm to lie down as much as possible, I'm to stay on top of the pain, and I'm to take it easy - for real this time.

All that to say, I've messed myself up and paid the initial price for it in pain. We won't know for a couple days how bad it really is. The pain is more intense now than it has been over the course of the last month. I'm frustrated, anxious, scared, depressed, and embarrassed at my folly.

Afflictions, pain, and suffering serve one purpose - to drive us closer to Christ. God is good - all the time.

-Shauen