Holding Hands No More

Walking on the Seattle Waterfront, December 2006The culture of Uganda is fairly conservative - except maybe in Kampala.  Women always wear dresses that cover their legs to the ankle.  Men always wear slacks - only schoolboys wear shorts.  Anger is almost never displayed - to show anger is to show that you are weak.  Homosexuality is illegal, as is abortion.  And public displays of affection are strictly taboo.  I don't think I've ever seen a Ugandan kiss even a peck on the cheek in public.  Male friends hold hands (as they do in India and other places in the world) - especially close friends and especially when speaking about an issue that is personal or difficult to discuss, like asking a friend for money or talking about a death in the family.  Male friends may even hold hands as they walk down the street as female friends sometimes do in the States.  Dating or married couples never hold hands in public - sometimes you'll see someone holding the wrist of the partner, but only very rarely holding hands and that only in "liberal" Kampala. 

Krista and I knew this as we prepared to come to Uganda.  Back in the States we used to ALWAYS hold hands - everywhere we went we held hands.  We even held hands through our marriage ceremony.  And when I opened the passenger door of the car for Krista she would always give me a small little kiss in appreciation.  It wasn't that it was difficult to turn off the displays of affection - it's just one of many small adjustments you make as you transition to another culture.  But being able to turn it off doesn't mean I don't miss holding my wife's hand.  Sometimes as we walk in the (only) mall in Kampala, or walk to the car in a parking lot somewhere, her hand will slip into mine for a couple seconds.  One quick little squeeze and we let go.  And now when I open her car door I get an air-kiss and an appreciative look.  Holding my wife's hand or giving her a small kiss goodbye when part company in public is something I really miss.  Some cultural adjustments are easy to remember but hard to do.  -Shauen